I’ve been reading Michael J. Fox’s
new autobiography, “Always Looking Up.”
He talks, quite conversationally, about what it means to keep living a
full life and seeing your situation as a gift, even with something as
debilitating as Parkinson’s in your life.
It’s the right book for me now. However happy I may seem, I struggle with late night questions like “what happens next” and “why do things have to be hard”.
I imagined everyone has some question that keeps them up at night. How is my father feeling? How much time should I really spend at work? Was I rude to that guy on the elevator today?
I’ve heard people say they wish they had an off switch for their brain. A long time ago, I found something of an off switch by putting my experiences in context with other people. I’m not looking for people who have worse troubles. Instead, I search for people who have meaningful things to say about what they’ve discovered and what pulled them through. Then in the middle of the night when I’m so worried that my eyes won’t stay shut, I can think, “Well, Michael J. Fox thought like me once and this is what he said helped him.”
Reading Fox’s book is a rich experience, but one point hit me right away: The only thing he cannot choose is NOT to have Parkinson’s. That’s similar to my own struggles. How do I deal, in a healthy way, with realities I cannot change?
I’ve always been a big advocate of choosing your own attitude (preferably a positive one) but Fox is an especially powerful model for me. He’s still funny. He’s fighting for his cause when he could be in his pajamas. His body may never feel “good” again, but he looks at his wife and children and thinks of himself as a lucky man.
Reading his book reminds me that I know I’m lucky too. I’m grateful for the people in my life, this moment, and these words I get to share with you.
And of course, by writing this, I complete the circle. Someone helped me, and maybe my words will aid somebody else. Isn’t it a comfort how, by sharing our experiences, we can make those late night questions a little easier to put up with?
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